porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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