Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
