this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
