it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
