3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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