wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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