I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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