my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
