Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
