My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
