i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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