farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
