She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
