I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
