Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I AM VODKA MAN
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
