so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
