I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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