WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize