I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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