So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
