i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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