OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
