The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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