1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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