Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
