What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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