So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
