Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
