Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
