I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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