so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
