I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
