I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
