That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize