we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love having hate sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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