I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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