Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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