This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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