u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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