It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
