You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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