I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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