Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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