so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
