Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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