why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
