I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
