I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
