Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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