Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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