i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
