I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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