Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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