And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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