and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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