tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
