i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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