new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As shirtless as possible
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
