i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm both gender and math confused
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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