He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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