Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
