i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
