I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
