Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
