bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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