No period for spring break; use this wisely.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
