I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
