bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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