I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize