I heard we made out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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