we're chasing vodka with high fives
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize