Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
