So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
