you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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