Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
