it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
