Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize