I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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