I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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