He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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