Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
