Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
