ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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