A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize