can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
