I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
