all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
