you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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