i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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