Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
