Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
