my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
