One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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