my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
