dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
