Already got asked if we're dating
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
