Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
