tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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