I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
